IN the lockbox.
A careless mistake?
of the mind?
All I wanted was my
To magically rock me to sleep.
What an opportunity.
I pick up bottles
read the labels
The contents in my hands
To c.o.u.n.t. out the sedatives
Line them up on the sink
Pour myself a glass of water
Tonight could be IT. My end
Suddenly, my ears perk up
Sound in my head
S c O u P
up the pills
Shut the cabinet
Can't Shake ItCan't shake it.
No longer a point to trying to rid myself
This evil is bound to my innards
Claws wrapped around my heart
Shredding my skin to strips of bloody ivory
Hopeless, helpless to escape
I resign myself to restricted movements
Stay still= don't anger the monster
Every motion is thought out and deliberate
As if I've swallowed a bomb
Set to go off when the mechanism topples.
Let's hope I can stay upright
Wishes and HopesI hope one day
All the ignorant folk out there
Realize that it isn't just about
It's about an addiction
It's about pain and emotion
And the dark thoughts in your head
That make you hate yourself and want to die
I wish people could be educated
So they don't say stupid things
Like "You're not trying"
It's harder than they realize
And ignorance is bliss
But my biggest wish is for children
To NEVER be exposed to me and what I do
I can take the insults
The rude looks, the stupid remarks
I can take adults stares and ignorance
But I never want to show a child
What you can do when you hurt.
I never want to be the reason
Some one considers self destruction
I had someone like that for me
And every time a child asks about my cat
I pray that I am not that person for them