Concussions feel like a biologic metaphor for mental illness
It literally boils down to a bruised brain,
How is that not a poetic description of mental illness?
And it comes with some damn similar side effects
I managed to bruise my brain at a roadside attraction
A place called South of the Border,
Smack dab between North and South Carolina
Yeah, yeah it's a clever play on words.
I can tell you right where I was when all of this started
I was hoisting myself onto the back of a jackalope
No this is still not a metaphor
It was a concrete animal meant for children.
And that is where the trouble began,
You see, I am not in fact a child.
My 5
How often do you think about it really?
How aware are you of the space between you and the boy to your left?
Because I know there are 4 steps between us. Just enough room that if I had a clear path I could still get away.
There are 3 exits here and I know where they all are.
One is over my left shoulder the other two are in my line of sight, this was not an accident.
I have counted how many times his eyes wandered my way and I know I am probably being paranoid but god help me if he tries to talk
I put my music up and look anywhere else.
You are twenty years old when you start to consider yourself recovered.
It has been a year since you sel
I am in a room filled with my peers
We are all wanna-be-scientists,
I don't want to be in this room, at this table,
But I was asked and I intend to be present.
Twenty minutes into the meeting
We are asked to speak about our experiences,
My heart rate doubles, I can feel it pounding
I do not want to speak,
It's not totally about the people,
It's about the subject,
About the failure.
"Mellissa you go first, then Kristin."
That's me, I'm second
I almost get up,
Almost go to the bathroom.
I try to breathe,
I try to say I am grown up and will shoulder this responsibility
It is my turn and I am talking
I am telling of how disappointing the expe
It is late at night. You are sitting next to me.
Every guard is lowered by the lack of eye contact.
My eyes stay on the winding double yellow.
Your pupils dance in the ghost reflections on the windows
Your watching the world rush past as you listen.
I feel like I can breath, even with all the powerful words bouncing around.
There is more space in this car than in most friendships.
I have turned down the heavy bass laced soundtrack,
And spent the last ten minutes relaying stories.
Not everything I say is the happiness I show others
But I am bragging that I am some kind of healthy.
When I am calm and emptied of the darkness
that's been clawin
Maybe I am not your weakness.
But at 2am when I am empty
And feeling alone.
You are mine.
I long for the comfort of a human
Of your warm body close to my skin
I close my eyes and imagine
Your controlled breathing
You act as if any sudden movements
Will send me flying out of bed
And far away from that warm little room.
I want you to know
I don't scare easy.
Among all the whispers
I want to hear you say goodnight
And hear all the other voices
Go absoltely silent
Tonight at 2am
I want the peace
Your presence brings.
You used to stomp around the house as if your feet were made of lead
As if the floorboards had done you some awful wrong and needed punishing
I used to giggle to myself in the dead of the night because I always knew where you were
Some kind of comfort found in the promise that you were five loud steps away
Now at night I hear the floors creak and moan as if recovering from the bruises you inflicted
It’s so quiet now, I tiptoe to the bathroom and sigh because for some reason
My feet have always seemed nimble compared to yours, will I not leave a mark on this world?
I wonder if the floorboards are happy you left
At least then someone wou