Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Varied / Hobbyist Kristin LebovitzFemale/United States Groups :iconxslitxwristxtheoryx: XSlitxWristxTheoryX
xXxWhen Secrets are too muchxXx
Recent Activity
Deviant for 7 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 1,942 Deviations 8,591 Comments 37,606 Pageviews
×

Newest Deviations

Literature
Friendship
It is late at night. You are sitting next to me.
Every guard is lowered by the lack of eye contact. 
My eyes stay on the winding double yellow. 
Your pupils dance in the ghost reflections on the windows
Your watching the world rush past as you listen.
I feel like I can breath, even with all the powerful words bouncing around.
There is more space in this car than in most friendships.
I have turned down the heavy bass laced soundtrack,
And spent the last ten minutes relaying stories.
Not everything I say is the happiness I show others
But I am bragging that I am some kind of healthy.
When I am calm and emptied of the darkness
that's been clawing at my insides for weeks 
I glance at you and there is a smile waiting for me.
There is something in that smile that is pure kindness. 
Something rare and special. You care.
There is love in you, for other humans despite the darkness.
My thoughts wander to you in my boyfriends kitchen 
You are grinning at me over a cook
:iconkml91225:kml91225
:iconkml91225:kml91225 9 2
Mature content
Soft :iconkml91225:kml91225 7 0
Mature content
I Wish You Torture :iconkml91225:kml91225 6 1
Literature
Rough Around The Edges
Maybe I am not your weakness.
But at 2am when I am empty 
And feeling alone. 
You are mine. 
I long for the comfort of a human
Of your warm body close to my skin
I close my eyes and imagine
Your controlled breathing
You act as if any sudden movements
Will send me flying out of bed
And far away from that warm little room. 
I want you to know 
I don't scare easy.
Among all the whispers
I want to hear you say goodnight
And hear all the other voices 
Go absoltely silent
Tonight at 2am
I want the peace 
Your presence brings. 
:iconkml91225:kml91225
:iconkml91225:kml91225 5 0
Mature content
Deep Enough (But Still Shallow) :iconkml91225:kml91225 6 4
Mature content
Fifty Two and Down :iconkml91225:kml91225 5 1
Literature
Now That You're Gone
You used to stomp around the house as if your feet were made of lead
As if the floorboards had done you some awful wrong and needed punishing
I used to giggle to myself in the dead of the night because I always knew where you were
Some kind of comfort found in the promise that you were five loud steps away
Now at night I hear the floors creak and moan as if recovering from the bruises you inflicted
It’s so quiet now, I tiptoe to the bathroom and sigh because for some reason
My feet have always seemed nimble compared to yours, will I not leave a mark on this world?
I wonder if the floorboards are happy you left
At least then someone would be.
You used to be loud and I never realized that I didn’t have a voice
I mean I had one but, I never really needed it
Now that you’re gone I find myself confused because people are listening now
They want to hear me and it’s uncomfortable
For a while I tried yelling because it was fun to hear myself talk
But I’ve grown we
:iconkml91225:kml91225
:iconkml91225:kml91225 4 0
Literature
Stream Of Conscious
Dear…You know what? Fuck that, nevermind. No one wants to listen and no one cares anyway. Why should I pretend that I am not locked in a box screaming at myself to only hear my words return empty? They have touched no one and if they ever found a soul to connect with, they merely bounce off with no impact.
    Why should I even continue to forge connections when every meaningful relationship has ended with a bridge to nowhere set ablaze? Every friend I have has left me or I have abandoned them. Memories sitting abandoned on empty railroad tracks. Their boxcars slowly rusting. Degrading until I can no longer access the happiness that once lived inside. I do believe to this day that there was a time I was happy. Back when nothing really mattered. You know, when you’re a kid, money has no value and the only pain you know is a skinned knee. Well that’s how most childhoods end up. I like to think that’s how mine was but over and over professional
:iconkml91225:kml91225
:iconkml91225:kml91225 5 0
Literature
Bleeding Hearts Onto Asphalt
Remember the nights we
Laid out under the stars?
Sometimes we were perfectly silent
Other times we let our hearts bleed onto the cooling asphalt
Wandering like empty souls
Late into the night
Filling each other with
Promises of a beautiful future.
:iconkml91225:kml91225
:iconkml91225:kml91225 4 0
Literature
I Have Always Wondered (Infinite Questions)
There was always something special about the way you held your hands
I don’t have a memory of you where they weren’t entwined.
One finger on top of the other, holding on tight.
I would always question it silently in my head
The way you know I question every small thing in my world
“Why does he smile when he looks up through the trees?”
“Why does he choose to keep the jeans with two blown out knees?”
“Does he think about the way he holds himself?
And when he forgets, is that the moments he leans into me?”
It’s an endless stream of thoughts,
Most are meaningless, but I always got caught up in them around you.
It’s my fault for never asking anything,
I would curse myself when you noticed what I was doing.
I’d lapse into silence in the middle of a conversation,
You’d tilt my chin up and gaze into my eyes
Deep as if searching for something.
You’d have that silly little smirk on your face
The “Aha, I caught y
:iconkml91225:kml91225
:iconkml91225:kml91225 5 2
Literature
Complex Play With Words
My words tangle, 
Forever causing mischief 
The threads I string together 
Are braiding themselves 
Would you like to jump rope? 
Except the rules have changed
We are 500 feet up 
And standing on a 3-inch wide pedestal 
No one wins this game
Turn the page,
My words have fallen,
Laying at your feet in heaps
Why aren't you listening
Why Won't you Listen? 
Can't you see this is important? 
Make me scream and shout
But you don't hear me
 
Next chapter,
All I am is silence
Surrounded by crumpled sheets of paper
I gave up, 
You will never see my words 
I will fade away.
 
Fuck you. 
and goodbye.  
:iconkml91225:kml91225
:iconkml91225:kml91225 8 3
Literature
Love Poem
I've been thinking
It's a real dangerous thing.
But I've been imaging every one of your breaths.
How when we are close enough
I feel the rise and fall of our chests harmonize.
[We are in sync.]
When you breath out, I take in the life you have exhaled.
I don't know if I do this as a theft.
If I am stealing all of your intimacies.
[Is having me close hurting?]
Because I can tell you,
Breathing in all that doubt,
The endless stream of self hate.
[It's starting to hurt my heart.]
That something so delicate and lovely 
Could be so full of pain and loathing
[But on the outside.]
Oh, on the outside you are so...perfect in my eyes.
[Perfect isn't quite the right word.]
The way your hips always lean a bit to the right.
And how you pout your lips slightly when your asking for a favor.
The way you roll your eyes when I do something sweet.
And the way you try to make me laugh,
[Even when the light has gone from your beautiful eyes.]
How can I love something so much
And want to be so far
:iconkml91225:kml91225
:iconkml91225:kml91225 4 0
Mature content
Day Dreams :iconkml91225:kml91225 5 3
Literature
Untitled
Once upon a time I knew a girl
She was my greatest support
Right up until the day she started hating me 
And that's okay, I hated myself too.
Everyday I tortured myself
Made myself sick. Mentally, physically, emotionally
I tore myself apart, literally
She hated it. 
In the begining she tried to save me
But I think she figrued it out
Far before anyone else did.
Trying to save me was like
Trying to make lead float
Or empty the ocean
I was hopeless 
I was doomed. 
She saw that and got out, fast. 
I'll never blame her for that. 
I was self destructing and scary
I was jumping from roofs 
And swallowing handfuls of pills
I was dangerous and heart breaking
I'll never know for sure why she left 
But I hope it was to save herself. 
No one deserved to have a friend like me.
I don't think I ever did the things she claimed
I never wore short sleeves to trigger people
I did it because I felt entitled to try and be normal
I never rubbed my illness in anyo
:iconkml91225:kml91225
:iconkml91225:kml91225 10 6
Literature
I Can't
Rest your head,
Lean back and close your eyes.
I obey.
Imagine a life in which
You Are Happy.
I cringe and all that comes is darkness
"I can't"
:iconkml91225:kml91225
:iconkml91225:kml91225 7 0
Literature
Infused With Love
The ever-present sadness presses down
And when I gasp for air one last desperate time
It's your love that finds my lips.
It seeps in with the oxygen 
Adding strength to my weak body
Filling my lungs and stiffening my spine
When I am infused with you love
I am strong and unstoppable.
 
I don't know what I would do without you 
I don't know if I'd survive by myself
Or if I could bring myself to wake up 
Get on with my life. 
Without you there is only emptiness
That hollow beating in my chest
Echoing around my vacant skull 
:iconkml91225:kml91225
:iconkml91225:kml91225 4 0
Check out my latest deviations!

Favourites

Literature
Affect, Skittish, Schizophrenia
Schizophrenia; a splitting of the mind. A snow globe that shattered, splintered, razor sharp glass breaking into shards.
Bipolar; two sides. Shifting sands. Extremes, chaos, pain, nerve endings white hot with blue flames of agony. Two poles, two hemispheres. One fathomless and dark, one burning with the liquid magma sun light of galaxies inside my bones, burning up into a black hole, eating itself alive.
Brain; two halves. Long division of two lobes, one soft pink globe, split through the centre.
Night and day, day and night.
One zygote that divided into twins; her, and I. I first split in the womb. I’ve been splitting my whole life.
I am simultaneous; both sides of the same coin. When I first attempted suicide, I was trying to unite into one absolution; nothingness. The argument is always the same – heavy and laden and irrational and rational all at once. “If you truly loved us, you’d fight to stay alive.” But the reverse rings weightlessly and unu
:iconRosary0fSighs:Rosary0fSighs
:iconrosary0fsighs:Rosary0fSighs 44 13
Noms by x-xSpitFirex-x Noms :iconx-xspitfirex-x:x-xSpitFirex-x 17 2
Literature
Emo
For all who call us different
Freaks
Troubled
Insane
Useless
Hopeless
Unloved
I tell them to back off
As I support my scars
The burden and convenience
To be one left alone
To be befriended by those who understand
To be pulled down to darkness
With others joining around
Their scars held high
We've heard it before
"Why live at all?" We are asked
With the retort; "Why do you?"
I have seen the highest peaks, and the darkest depths of a life worth living. 
Wait your turn, you will experience the pain shown on our tattered skin
You will cry out for a companion, and we will leave you be 
To leave you in darkness, as we step towards the dawn 
Our scars glistening in the light
You say we are in the wrong
Who is unloved now? 
:iconViidith22:Viidith22
:iconviidith22:Viidith22 15 33
Literature
Let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time
alone was a place I fell
bones hitting on every step
bruises under my eyes
bloody bracelets rotting away.
Once upon a time
I was Wendy without my Lost Boys
searching for Neverland
lost in translation
and spinning.
Once upon a time
the sunset was a battle call
to my own civil war
fighting against broken lungs
losing on both sides.
Once upon a time
the mirror was my poison
forcing up half chewed meals
and no, thanks,
I’m not hungry.
Once upon a time
I was lost.
But once upon a time
I found them.
And now
I am never alone walking the streets in my mind.
Now
I have a map to Mars and back (it turns out Neverland was a lie).
Now
as the sun goes down I feel a little more alive.
Now
The whisper in my ear tells me the mirror is a lie.
Once upon a time
They found me
and now wrists are for bracelets
not for cutting
and I can see tomorrow
through my headphones.
Once upon a time
You told me music couldn’t save a life.
You were wrong.
:iconstarsinthenightsky79:starsinthenightsky79
:iconstarsinthenightsky79:starsinthenightsky79 5 1
Moonlight Docks by FramedByNature Moonlight Docks :iconframedbynature:FramedByNature 191 13
Literature
(w)retch
I used to think of death as something
dark and distant,
immeasurably far away
and hopelessly deep.
now that it is upon me, weighing heavily
in the caverns of my mouth,
it is the easiest decision I've
ever made, the easiest thing
I've ever swallowed.
the fact that I failed is an
irrelevant detail:
I have snapped a string,
I have deviated farther,
(closer).
I am two-fifths dead
and one-fifth cold
already.
:icontoxic-nebulae:toxic-nebulae
:icontoxic-nebulae:toxic-nebulae 19 23
Hollow by BexSaundersPhoto Hollow :iconbexsaundersphoto:BexSaundersPhoto 9 4 Self Destruction is the Answer by ZombieGirl6 Self Destruction is the Answer :iconzombiegirl6:ZombieGirl6 19 1 Paint It Black by Sketchy-Linez Paint It Black :iconsketchy-linez:Sketchy-Linez 173 19 One Year On DA! by Snakebite-Heart One Year On DA! :iconsnakebite-heart:Snakebite-Heart 10 3 A Kiss by wind-princess A Kiss :iconwind-princess:wind-princess 1,860 256 THE CROWD OF TODAY by xACook THE CROWD OF TODAY :iconxacook:xACook 9 1 nothing left to say by collien nothing left to say :iconcollien:collien 26 9

Activity


I feel like I just wrote my last update but it's been over a year. I don't know how that happened.

I should probably write another update even if it feels like screaming into the abyss. That will come later.

For now, I'm kinda wondering if anyone is still out there. Would anyone want more art? I might start posting again anyway. 
I'm back to writing a bit more now. I think its a lot better than my mentally ill ramblings. 
  • Listening to: The Plot In You
Hey Everyone!
I want to upload again...

deviantID

kml91225
Kristin Lebovitz
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
I'm barely ever on here anymore but I noticed that I haven't updated this in 3 years because my age was WAY off. Hello I'm Kristin. I am currently an EMT working for an ambulance company and I love it. Also a part time student getting my pre-recs done for nursing school but still considering other options. I just accepted a new job and will work in an ER for one of the countries best hospitals. I am still with the same boyfriend of 5 years now. His name is Ryan, and I love him like crazy. I have been through a lot of things but I'm coming out of them and on the path of healing. I still write but I have less of a need to share so much of it.

Current Age: 20, Current Residence: MA, Favorite genre of music: Country, Alternitive, Hardcore, Metal, Favorite style of art: writing and poetry and photography,
Interests
I feel like I just wrote my last update but it's been over a year. I don't know how that happened.

I should probably write another update even if it feels like screaming into the abyss. That will come later.

For now, I'm kinda wondering if anyone is still out there. Would anyone want more art? I might start posting again anyway. 
I'm back to writing a bit more now. I think its a lot better than my mentally ill ramblings. 
  • Listening to: The Plot In You

Journal History

Donate

kml91225 has started a donation pool!
1,260 / 1,500
I completed my last donation pool and got the year membership!!! Thank you everyone
Now I have a few things I want to get from the shop. Thank you to anyone who donates.

I will also be considering requests for points if you're interested ask me about it.
I'll do requests for both photography and writing, just send me a note and I'll see what I can do.

You must be logged in to donate.

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconobiwanlives4ever:
Obiwanlives4ever Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2016
Hey, I was wondering if I could please use some of your bloody handprint photos in a FanFiction aesthetic post of mine? I would of course credit you for them and link back to your original photographs. If you don't want them to be used, that's fine, just let me know! :) 
Reply
:iconkml91225:
kml91225 Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
I know its way late but I don't have a problem with that
Reply
:iconaurorapickenpaugh:
AuroraPickenpaugh Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2016  Student Traditional Artist
I used to follow you like yearssss ago and I just found u again and nt going to lie I was pretty excited. lolol I was like 14 when I followed u at first and now I'm 19 xD
Reply
:iconkml91225:
kml91225 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thats awesome thank you! What was your old username? A lot has changed and I'm not on here much anymore but my writing bug is coming back and I might be posting again soon. Although it will probably be a bit different. 
Reply
:icondaddthomas13:
daddthomas13 Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Happy Birthday. Hope life is treating you good.
Reply
:iconjohnnyandme:
JohnnyandMe Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014  Hobbyist
Please stop cutting it is not worth it. I used to cut myself and I know it is hard to stop but please try to not cut anymore. Try the butterfly project or something else if you like. 
Reply
:iconx-xspitfirex-x:
x-xSpitFirex-x Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks heaps for the fave :)
Reply
Add a Comment: