Saving Me From Myself

"It's in these tangled thoughts
I swear", I holler as I dig.
It was here, everything I wanted to say.

My words never form fast enough
Then the thought slips away.
Please tell me that you'll stay.
Be patient as I try to sort things out.

Give me a minute before I start.
Or it will all be a rushed ramble
Were nothing at all makes sense.
Please give me a moment because,
I had a list of things to say.

Now-a-days it seems as if,
If I don't write it down
the thoughts and words accompanying them
will flee.
Faster than wild birds set free.

I never know how to start.
I tip toe around you,
Because I don't know what to say.
How to not upset you.
But I can't do that,
because I promised to tell the truth.

But you don't want to hear me
Because it tears you up inside
And I can understand but I need
Someone to listen, please just listen.

But when I find you my audience
I don't know where to go
Because as I mentally pick up
Each thread of thought
And follow it through to your reaction
I see something ugly and put it down
Only to pick up another with the same end image.

I don't think you understand that.
And maybe I really am loosing it.
I'm finally tipping into crazy.

But give me a minute and maybe the words will surface.
I think and let the thoughts rush up to me, through murkiness.
Only speaking the phrase that repeats itself
Because that's how I know it needs to be said.
If I find myself clinging to one string of words.

They must be the right ones to say,
To spill out onto the space between us
And try to build a bridge of understanding.
But sometimes the words fail my expectations
And you float farther away.
And it's all because I had so much to say
But the words, they just don't want to stay.

And now I know you can't understand
Because I crawled into your bed and woke you
With tears to your chest and now that I'm here
I can finally breath and the thoughts have stopped
Throwing themselves around my head.

But now I'm left empty
With nothing left to explain why I'm here
And why your shirt is covered in my salty tears.

You're worried and you keep asking what's wrong
Only to be met with my silence.
Your question keeps getting louder
Till I know I must reply and I only whisper
"I don't want to talk about it."
Because I know that will get me by for now.

You'll leave it be and just hold me.
And what I know to be true is proven
As you soften and move to let me fold into you.
You hold me and let the tears take there course
Before gently whispering in my ear
"Please tell me what's wrong. What happened?"
I still can't think so I let the question go for now.

I'm desperate for just a little more time curled into you.
I rest my head back on your chest and let the tears fall,
Your hand gently rubs my back, reminding me you're here.
My breaths slow and it gets easier to think again.
I breath you in and reach for a kiss because if I can get one.
I may be able to surface from these rapids.

All I can say is you calm me, you melt me
When I'm panicking and desperate
Just being close to you can bring me back.

I return to my search and find that everything I was thinking
And worrying about on my walk here is gone.
Everything I wanted to say,
Everything that could have explained this..
This unexpected strange good morning.
The words seem to have left.

But you're patient and ask simple questions
Ones with easy answers
Till I'm ready to think again
To let the flood over take me because I know
You're my anchor and this time I won't be swept away.

I let it overcome me again and struggle to breath
For a few minutes but soon, you have me comfortable
And the words somehow find there way to the surface
And my tongue willingly excepts them.

And I try to explain the best I can
What happened and what's wrong but,
The list I thought up seems to,
Still not want to show it's face
And I'm trying to make sense
Because, love you're the only one who listens anymore.

And I suppose that is what caused all this,
No one else wants to hear me but I'm desperate to be heard,
So I had to find you, to let my thoughts escape.
Because I know with you whatever I say
You will always love me.
No matter what escapes my lips in a desperate time like this
I will always be able to explain it to you.
Because I can breath for real around you
And I have time to find exactly what I'm trying to say
Because you're so patient with me.

Please love never leave me alone in the rapids
Because I very easily could drown.